Life Interrupted

from Able Leader, February 2005

by Steve Kaye

It started with a dull ache.

It was easy to ignore, too, because we all have little aches once in a while. And at 60 these aches tell me that I'm still alive.

What followed was very painful and filled with valuable reminders for leaders. It's also something that can easily happen to any of us.

On a Friday afternoon in mid January, I left home to attend a writer's conference in San Diego. I had felt a dull ache in my hip for about a week, but ignored it.

Traffic was heavy, so the 100-mile drive took longer than usual. By the time I arrived my hip hurt so much that I could barely pull myself out of the car. But I did, and then limped to the registration desk. The walk must have helped because I felt better. I stayed for the opening session where I spent the evening walking about, meeting literary agents.

Lesson 1: Pain is a warning, not a challenge. If you ignore it, you risk having a larger problem. Are there any dull aches that could be warnings in your organization? The doctor told me that my first mistake was sitting in the car for a drive that lasted three hours.

The next morning, I awoke feeling fine. So, I loaded a cloth bag with a stack of books for the two consultation sessions that I had scheduled. It was a good day during which I hurried about, always carrying the heavy bag of books.

By evening the pain had returned, and it kept increasing. About midnight the pain was so terrible that I couldn't do much more than roll about on my bed. And now I'm alone in a hotel room. At about 2 AM, I pulled myself out of bed, wolfed down a banana, and took three Ibuprofen. Fortunately, I had packed them to calm the dull ache.

Lesson 2: Having a contingency plan, even a small one, can avert a real disaster. Without the medicine I might have had to call an ambulance because the pain was incapacitating. What would you do if a disaster struck? Do you have a life line that you can use to minimize damage?

The next morning, I felt terrible. My hip hurt too much to walk from session to session. And I was feeling a lot of stress too, over uncertainties and missed opportunities. So, I called my wife to announce that I was coming home. She sounded pleasant and encouraging. I felt noticeable relief when I let go of the conference and focused on taking care of myself.

Lesson 3: Simplifying activities by focusing on your highest priorities makes it easier to manage trauma.

Monday I visited the doctor, who told me that I had an inflamed sciatic nerve. He prescribed medications to reduce inflammation and relax muscles.

These pills caused me to feel sleepy and just plain bad. And they didn't seem to do much to relieve pain.

Tuesday night at 2:00 AM I called to speak with an emergency nurse about the medicine. A clerk answered the phone, who asked, "How bad is your pain, on a scale of one to ten."

Well, I don't know. I figured it could be worse because I wasn't incoherent and I always try to be optimistic, so I said, "It's about a three or four."

And the clerk said, "You don't qualify to speak with a nurse. Call back tomorrow."

Lesson 4: Different people apply different criteria to describe the severity of an event. Make sure that your criteria are consistent with the result that you want. For example, when I called later in the week, I replied to that same question by saying, "It was an eight or nine." That seemed to qualify.

Lesson 5: If one approach fails, seek another. I called the pharmacy and received answers to my questions.

I spent ten days in bed, getting up only for brief times. During that time everyone helped. I was truly touched by the favors that some people did for me.

Lesson 6: If you want help, you must ask for it. (By the way, I need your help with something and my request appears after this article.)

Lesson 7: People provide better help when you are grateful. Treating others with respect and courtesy, even when you are in pain, will get more of what you need to recover.

Lesson 8: You cannot conquer pain. You can only manage it. And medicine is a tool to help do that. Similarly, you can not change the way that the world works. You can only manage the way that you deal with it. All of your resources are merely tools to help you with that.

Lesson 9: Flexibility, not strength, is the key to health. It is also the key to effective leadership. Some leaders try to force their agenda by using strength. And this never works. In fact, force always creates resistance, causes damage, and triggers new problems. Successful leaders (and healthy people) are flexible. They learn how to bend and move as appropriate.

In fact, I caused this whole miserable experience by trying to use strength (while learning how to kick during swimming lessons) instead of flexibility.

Lesson 10: Your goal is to come out of a disaster in better condition than before it happened. This insight changed my focus from trying to survive to working on improving.

It's mid February now. And my hip still aches a little, especially when going up stairs. My doctor told me that sciatica can take from six weeks to six months to heal. With medicine, these times can be cut in half. Now I'm much more aware of essential priorities. I've started gentle stretching exercises, I'm taking better care of myself, and I'm thanking everyone who helped.

Key Point: Health is frail. And when it's interrupted, everything stops.

Much success,

Steve Kaye
714-528-1300