Obstacles

from Able Leader, March 2008

by Steve Kaye

We're all stuck.

We're either stuck in a place or we're stuck at the rate that we're moving.

So how do we break free?

First, an important point.

There is an critical difference between being stuck and being at rest. We choose being at rest because it's comfortable. It works. It serves our goals.

Being at rest is a good thing.

Being stuck, however, occurs when we want something that seems to be forever out of reach. It's something that never happens, never gets done, and never works.

Being stuck is bad and needs to be overcome.

Here are three obstacles that keep us stuck with actions to overcome them.

1) Obstacle: Fear

We fear failure. We worry that something will go wrong, causing pain or loss.

Or, we fear success. We worry that something will work, requiring change or growth.

In either case, we're stuck.

First, fear is a good thing because it keeps us out of trouble. Some fears are legitimate.

The fears that keep us stuck are different. They are exaggerated fantasies of horrible consequences that either a) have no real chance of happening or b) are beyond our control.

Action: Write out a description of the fears that keep you stuck. Then expand on each by a) estimating how realistic it is and b) writing a list of what you would do if it were to happen.

This may help you put the fears aside.

Action: Nibble away from the fear. Plan small steps that gradually move you toward the result that you want. Recognize each step is a success that gives you the courage to take larger steps.

Action: Be dramatic. Grab fear by the pants and throw it out. Yell "Good riddance!" as you slam the door. Then just do it.

2) Obstacle: Permission

We strive for what we think we deserve. And we attempt what we think we're able to do.

The amount of permission we give ourselves comes from many sources.

It comes from a culture that teaches us it's noble to be poor and bad to be rich. (For example, consider popular fiction that glamorizes the downtrodden hero who overcomes the rich villain.)

It's rooted in our ego, which (among other things) comes from our experiences. (For example, if we're treated as a joke or mistake, then we expect that we deserve little.)

However it happens, it's important to recognize that we are filled with expectations of lack (instead of abundance). And that keeps us stuck.

Actually, the opposite is true: everyone deserves to do well.

And all of us have far more ability than we could imagine. It's only a matter of giving ourselves permission to use it.

Action: Give yourself permission to be successful, to have more, and to realize your dreams.

If necessary, write yourself a note. (Yes, I know this sounds corny.) Write a note that states: "<your name> has my permission to <your goal>." Then sign it. And put the note on your mirror or carry it with you. Refer to it anytime that you feel doubt.

Action: Either start working toward your goal (you will be surprised with what you can do) or start learning the skills that you need. Accept that it may take years to master a new skill.

3) Obstacle: Process

We all follow rules, routines, and traditions. We live within an environment of activities, friends, and media. These form the process that keeps us in the place where we are. If we want different results, we must change our process.

Of course, common sense applies. I'm not suggesting, for example, that you paint yourself blue or wear swim fins to work (unless your job requires this).

Action: Take a candid look at the process that surrounds you. What activities and routines take up your time? How necessary are they? Can they be dropped, revised, or given to others? To what extent does your process help you grow?

Action: Evaluate the rules and traditions that you follow. How do these affect what you do? Do they prevent you from taking advantage of any possibilities? Which ones help and which ones hinder? Can you drop, change, or replace any of them to gain more freedom?

Action: Evaluate the media that you feed your mind. What do you read, watch, or hear? How does this contribute to growth and progress? Changes your mental diet to improve your mental well-being.

Important Note: We were given life so that we could live it fully. That means we are all entitled to great success. Rather than settle for little, seek abundance. Then use it wisely, sharing your greatness with others.

Much success,

Steve Kaye
714-528-1300