Welcome to Voice Mail Fun
Here are (possible) voice mail greetings.
Do any of them seem familiar?
If you have a question requiring a 1-word answer, press 1.
If you have a question requiring a 2-word answer, press 2.
If you have a question requiring a 3-word answer, press 3.
If you have a question requiring a more complex answer, call an attorney.
This call will be recorded, reviewed, and analyzed for use as evidence in court.
To make sure that you’re connected to the right technical support department,
Press 1, if you put your right sock on first.
Press 2, if you put your left sock on first.
Press 3, if you don’t wear socks.
Press 4, if you don’t own socks.
Press 5, if you think socks have nothing to do with fixing your equipment.
Your estimated wait time is 6 months. Press any button to continue.
Our robot has been programed to remain calm, no matter how frustrated you become.
Please listen to this entire message because our menu options are changed each time you call.
If you want to talk to our robot, press 1.
If you want to talk to someone who cares, call your parents.
If you have called about this issue before, the answer is “No.”
Press 1 if you ate breakfast.
Press 2 if you missed breakfast.
Press 3 to repeat this menu.
Press 1 if you are in a hurry.
Press 1 for the address of our company.
Press 2 for our newest ad.
Press 3 for a weather report at our home office.
Press 4 for information about our web site.
Press 5 to repeat this menu.
If you are having problems connecting to the Internet, visit our web site for solutions.
Press 1 if you are in a good mood.
Press 2 if you are in a bad mood.
You have reached the voice mail box for a purely virtual company. There are no products, no services, and no employees. Please leave a message.
Your call is very important to us.
That’s why we use a robot with 17 nested menus of unintelligible options that serve as an impenetrable logical labyrinth.
Press 1 if you want to continue.
Press 2 if you want to hang up.
If we really cared about earning your business, we would have hired someone to answer the phone.
If you received this message, we are driving through a tunnel. Please hang up and call back in a few minutes.
Bonus: Actual Call Experience
The caller opened with: “This is Chris* on a recorded line.”
And I said, “Good! Then you can send me a copy if I need it.”
* Fictitious name
Fun with Warning Labels