Welcome to Voice Mail Fun

Voice Mail Cartoon, using clip art bought by Steve Kaye

You encounter voice mail every day. Some of it helps. Some of it doesn’t. 

Here are (possible) voice mail greetings.

Do any of them seem familiar?

If you have a question requiring a 1-word answer, press 1.

If you have a question requiring a 2-word answer, press 2.

If you have a question requiring a 3-word answer, press 3.

If you have questions requiring more complex answers, please call an attorney.

This call may be recorded for use as evidence in court.

Your estimated wait time is 6 months.

Our robot has been programed to remain calm, no matter how frustrated you become.

Please listen to this entire message because our menu options are changed randomly each time you call.

If you want to talk to our robot, press one.

If you want to talk with someone who can help you, call your parents.

If you have called about this issue before, the answer is “No.”

Press 1 to hear a warm, personal greeting from our robot.

Press 1 if you are in a hurry.


Press 1 for the address of our company.

Press 2 for our newest ad.

Press 3 for a weather report at our home office.

Press 4 for information about our web site.

Press 5 for a weather report in our area.

Press 6 to repeat this menu.

Press 1 if you are in a good mood.

Press 2 if you are in a bad mood.

You have reached the voice mail box for a purely virtual company. There are no products, no services, and no employees. Please leave a message.

Your call is very important to us.

That’s why we use a robot with 17 nested menus of unintelligible options that serve as an impenetrable logical labyrinth.

Press 1 if you want to continue.

Press 2 if you want to hang up.

If we really cared about earning your business, we would have hired someone to answer the phone.

If you received this message, we are driving through a tunnel. Please hang up and call back in a few minutes.

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